This week has been a good week for reflection and meditation - or at least hopeful meditation, as my hyperactive kiddos haven't given me the opportunity for full-blown meditation. So as we've spent the days indoors, cuddled under blankets with lots of movies and books, I've had some time to reflect on some things that have been on my mind and pursue some reasons behind these thoughts.
The main thing on my mind is, well.....ME!
Sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it?
I thought so too, so I've been spending some time reading and meditating on why I've been on my mind so much of late. And I keep thinking, geez, how selfish are you? You are a mother/wife/friend/employee first, before anything else, that is what deserves and needs your focus, not yourself!
And then I started thinking on how much time and energy I put into being the perfect mother/wife/friend/employee and how much research and studying and training we as people do to become perfection in others eyes in all of these roles that we play. I mean, that is the emphasis on most blogs that I devour every day, and although I truly love and appreciate and respect all of these excerpts that are so full of thought-provoking wisdom and insight, I often wonder (selfishly, I know...), what about the me, us and I? The women behind all this effort to be pure perfection in every way possible?!
So I'll be honest, and please, don't hate me. But I really want to enjoy me too! I want to do things I love, be selfish a little and have some time for me, perfect my relationship with me, like me. Does that make sense? I've got to live with myself for the next 50 or so years (hopefully) so I really want need to like this package that I've got and this life that I'm living. I really believe that if I take care of me, everything else will fall into place, I'll be able to be a better mother/wife/friend/employee because I will be wholly fulfilled on every level.
I am the type of person that struggles with guilt. Guilt over everything that I could possibly feel guilty about, drives my husband and close friends crazy, so even thinking about putting me first is really, really hard for me to even remotely think about! But I'm making it a very important goal, to take care of me, implement things in my life that nurture my soul, and I'm thinking, very optimistically, that other areas in my life will be nurtured as well.
A few things that I am focusing on putting more of in my life are:
- Reading more often
- Developing my photography skills (or lack thereof...)
- Running and training to run in a 10k this summer
- Making my own compost and starting an organic garden this summer
I think that's a pretty good, almost hefty, list to start with, no? I'll come back to this subject often this year, just to update you on how I'm doing (I'm a firm believer in the affects of accountability) and to help share goals, aspirations, and insight as well as give encouragement all around.
What are things that you do to nurture your soul? What are you doing now to help make yourself a priority in this new year?