My husband and I on a trip to San Francisco in August 2008....pure and complete relaxation and bliss.
This week has been a good week for reflection and meditation - or at least hopeful meditation, as my hyperactive kiddos haven't given me the opportunity for full-blown meditation. So as we've spent the days indoors, cuddled under blankets with lots of movies and books, I've had some time to reflect on some things that have been on my mind and pursue some reasons behind these thoughts.
The main thing on my mind is, well.....ME!
Sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it?
I thought so too, so I've been spending some time reading and meditating on why I've been on my mind so much of late. And I keep thinking, geez, how selfish are you? You are a mother/wife/friend/employee first, before anything else, that is what deserves and needs your focus, not yourself!
And then I started thinking on how much time and energy I put into being the perfect mother/wife/friend/employee and how much research and studying and training we as people do to become perfection in others eyes in all of these roles that we play. I mean, that is the emphasis on most blogs that I devour every day, and although I truly love and appreciate and respect all of these excerpts that are so full of thought-provoking wisdom and insight, I often wonder (selfishly, I know...), what about the me, us and I? The women behind all this effort to be pure perfection in every way possible?!
So I'll be honest, and please, don't hate me. But I really want to enjoy me too! I want to do things I love, be selfish a little and have some time for me, perfect my relationship with me, like me. Does that make sense? I've got to live with myself for the next 50 or so years (hopefully) so I really want need to like this package that I've got and this life that I'm living. I really believe that if I take care of me, everything else will fall into place, I'll be able to be a better mother/wife/friend/employee because I will be wholly fulfilled on every level.
I am the type of person that struggles with guilt. Guilt over everything that I could possibly feel guilty about, drives my husband and close friends crazy, so even thinking about putting me first is really, really hard for me to even remotely think about! But I'm making it a very important goal, to take care of me, implement things in my life that nurture my soul, and I'm thinking, very optimistically, that other areas in my life will be nurtured as well.
A few things that I am focusing on putting more of in my life are:
- Reading more often
- Developing my photography skills (or lack thereof...)
- Running and training to run in a 10k this summer
- Making my own compost and starting an organic garden this summer
I think that's a pretty good, almost hefty, list to start with, no? I'll come back to this subject often this year, just to update you on how I'm doing (I'm a firm believer in the affects of accountability) and to help share goals, aspirations, and insight as well as give encouragement all around.
What are things that you do to nurture your soul? What are you doing now to help make yourself a priority in this new year?
Once again, your blog is extremely raw and speaks volumes to me. My promise to you my friend...I will run your 10k with you. Just tell me the date and I'll be ready. Looking forward to it already!
Posted by: Ashley Sokoloski | 06 February 2011 at 09:15 PM
Ash, once again, you are too amazingly sweet and I miss you :)
A 10K for this summer with you is a definite plan, lets see what's going on and set it up, that way there's no WAY I'm backing out (lest get my rear kicked by you!!)!
Posted by: Susan@SmallCompilations | 06 February 2011 at 09:42 PM
It's a date! But just a warning, I'm really slow, kinda like a turtle...well maybe a little faster but not much! I'll start looking at race dates, woo hoo!
Posted by: Ashley | 06 February 2011 at 10:13 PM
Wonderful post Susan. I kind of made ME a new years resolution this year. By focusing a little bit more on myself it make me a better me for everyone else.
Posted by: Leeann | 06 February 2011 at 10:21 PM
Oh girl, don't even worry about it! I heard a term used by another runner friend called 'race walking' and that's sorta how I run too! I'm still only doing a 13 minute mile, so we can be slow together :) It's all about finishing!
Posted by: Susan@SmallCompilations | 07 February 2011 at 09:44 AM
Thanks Leeann! Really, your feedback means a lot, because this post was incredibly difficult for me to write for some reason. I took me about three days to actually finish it, I kept have to come back to it. I just didn't want to sound selfish or uncaring about my family and I was afraid it would come across that way.
So what are some things that you're doing to focus on you this year? I'm always looking for new inspiring ways to make my life more fulfilling :)
Posted by: Susan@SmallCompilations | 07 February 2011 at 09:46 AM
I don't think this is selfish AT ALL. In fact, I think it's a requirement. And now that you've had the realization, it will feel like you've turned a page.
If I don't get an adequate amount of ME time per day or week, I become a really crummy wife and mother. I can feel it and my family can feel it. So I'd rather be proactive about it and schedule in that time before it comes too late and I'm an emotional wreck.
Posted by: hollywood housewife | 10 February 2011 at 09:44 PM
You're right, I feel like I've turned a page too, thank you for your thoughts and perspective. I really like you're idea on scheduling 'me time', that's something I'm going to try when I get back to Oklahoma next week. I definitely know I'm a better wife/mother when I have some time to do my own thing every once in awhile. I've noticed the same about my husband and am going to make him schedule some time for himself, too.
Posted by: Susan@SmallCompilations | 12 February 2011 at 08:40 AM
My selfhishness is about taking care of myself. Its taking a few minutes each day to do soemthing for myself. It can include exercise, prayer or meditation, staying in jammies all day, or even enjoying that brownie. Just something to boost my mood and spirits.
I have set personal goals too. My first is to jog(Ican't say run because runners would probably laugh) at least 20 miles a week. I would also like to take the time to read more often, and plant and maintain a vegetable garden.
Posted by: Leeann | 17 February 2011 at 09:57 AM